Why do I torture myself?

"BaconSandwich is tasty." (baconsandwich)
09/28/2020 at 12:41 • Filed to: None

I seem to have a thing for really torturing myself recently.

1. I keep looking at used Chevy Bolt prices, but I’ve already told myself that I want to keep my Civic for a few more years, to let used EV prices to drop a bit further. I also don’t drive enough to justify buying a new-to-me car when mine works (mostly) fine.

2. I try to do as many of my own car repairs as possible. I do this because I tell myself that it will save me money in the long run. I usually end up dreading doing things (e.g.: changing brake shoes, or more recently changing the oil pan gasket). I end up part way through a job, get incredibly frustrated, and lose confidence that I’m capable of doing anything but the smallest repairs.

Changing the Civic’s oil pan gasket was like this. I didn’t do the job right the first time. Turns out I didn’t torque things down enough, and didn’t have a small torque wrench to get things tight enough. I’d heard horror stories about people snapping off pan bolts and that’s the last thing I wanted. I also forgot to de- grease both the lip of the pan and the bottom of the block. Low and behold, it leaked. I eventually resigned to admitting defeat, and bought another gasket. This time I temporarily lost a nut (super-frustrating - had to tear the garage apart to find it). Eventually I got everything back together, but not until I’d sufficiently beaten myself up about getting mad about losing a stupid nut.

3. Because I get frustrated doing the small stuff, I tell myself that I’ll never be able to achieve a ridiculous dream of mine (building my own EV). I end up telling myself that because I can’t do the small things, I’ll never be able to do the big things. I don’t want to give up on a dream, but I also realize that most people* don’t seem to have big crazy dreams like that. Or they gave up on them long ago, and have consigned themselves to a life of work, drinking, and watching sports on TV. I don’t want that. But I also don’t want to live the life of a garage (or basement) dwelling troll who is bitter at life and everything in it because he somehow thought it was a good idea to take on a project over his head.

Anyone else struggle with things like these?

* I long ago accepted the fact that I’m not normal. Normal people don’t crawl around under their cars, attempting to keep a 19 year old car from having oil incontinence issues. It seems like “normal people” would rather accept a monthly car payment, and be content to take 25 years to pay off their mortgage, rather than trying to pay it down as quickly as is reasonably-ish possible.

DISCUSSION (13)

MUSASHI66 > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 13:07

Why not both?? We have a 15 year mortgage, two newer, under warranty cars that I like to tinker with, and a 20 year old truck that I do a lot to except for big, important stuff like timing belts and such.

I love being handy, but I am also aware of my limitations when it comes to mechanical skills, time, space, and tools. I am typing this as I am watching Wh ee ler Dealers, and it seems to me I could do most things they do in that show, and then I remember how not fun it is to deal with rust, on a low vehicle without a lift.

My buddy has a 3 car garage with a double bay at the end, and he can only fit one car in there, because the rest is taken with his rust heap of a 1930's project car. I just couldn ’t do that unless I had a dedicated shop. Again, I am aware of my limitations and with age, have grown to accept them. Good luck, anyway you decide to proceed.

flatisflat > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 13:15

Sometimes people love things. Sometimes people aren’t terribly ‘good at’ those things that they love. But what are we supposed to do? Change what we love?

I’d recommend trying to find a way to make peace with your self-frustration. One thing that comes to mind is that practice always helps, and the problem with only having taken on the intermittent small project, is that you’re not getting actual practice with repeating a very similar task over and over — thus to improve your familiarity, comfort levels, and mechanical aptitude. And of course, since you’re doing those things out of love, you’re very critical for when you feel you don’t do it well. But also consider, while it may mean a lot to you, you’re not hurting your car’s feelings by having to re-address the oil pan gasket, and by misplacing a nut for an amount of time. In the end, you did do the job and got the task done — making your car better from it.

I think what you’re experiencing is not unique in the enthusiasts’ world (I absolutely have been very hard on myself for feeling totally out of my league on very small projects) . But to foster your passion, allow a bit more patience with yourself. And a bit more practice.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > MUSASHI66
09/28/2020 at 13:26

Unfortunately my current salary wouldn’t allow for both a shorter mortgage and two leased vehicles . I’m actually in the process of looking at another job that would pay a bit higher . I’m finding it quite stressful, as it’d be working with a different technology, and it’s been a few years (like 5 years) since I’ve had to make an adjust ment like that.

Chariotoflove > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 13:27

I am like this somewhat. Especially with my hand cycle. I should be able to fix and adjust the gearing. I understand how it’s supposed to be done. But I keep messing it up and have to take it to the shop. It’s frustrating and destroys my confidence. That’s why when I figured out how to true my wheel, I was so excited at the success that I posted about it.

MUSASHI66 > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 13:32

I guess my point wasn’t necessary “go out and buy a new car”. It was more “are you sure you want to build an EV if an oil pan gasket taxes your mechanical skills” and that there is nothing wrong tinkering with your car to the limit of your ability, but it isn’t a failure when you send your car away to professionals for some things.

Good luck with the job search!

VincentMalamute-Kim > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 13:56

From what you say, it may be more psychological. Easy frustation, lack of confidence, irritability. Those may just be part of your personality and difficult to change. Could they be more of a temporary issue with where you are right now given a lot of people have more stressors this year?

But I know how you feel. New tasks you’ve never done before. Learning new skills. All scary. I’ve gotten back into bicycling and the tech is all new. Changing tubeless tires, adjusting the threadless headsets, replacing a press fit bottom bracket, changing a cassette instead of a freewheel were all scary.

Car repair too. I do find for myself at least, that I will make mistakes. But hopefully learn from them. Eventually. Confidence then grows with each project, successful or not. Failures are learning experiences.

About not having a small enough torque wrench - projects are always a good excuse to buy new tools. The tool is free from the money you saved by doing it yourself.

Also, you’re ‘normal’ in this crowd. I kept a 1992 Dodge Caravan alive as my daily driver until the body rusted out and blew a head gasket in 2015.

CobraJoe > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 14:05

I’ve spent my life working on fairly old and/or crappy vehicles, and it is simultaneously the mo st unnecessary hobby I have now, and the most fulfilling hobby I have now. There are few things that make me feel better than knowing “My actions made this machine work better ”.

However, I have lived through that frustration for years, but it has given me several useful insights: (No offense intended if you already know these things)

1. Get a second vehicle . Something that is fairly reliable and won’t require major repairs soon. The usefuln ess of a functional mode of transportation when one vehicle is not functional cannot be understated.

Need more parts than you thought? Take the running car to the store.
Something broke on a sunday night and you need to drive to work on Monday? Take the second car until you have time to repair the first.
A buddy is stranded without a vehicle? Let them drive the second car for a bit.

Even a an old Civic in good condition would fit this role, it doesn’t have to be a nearly new Toyota .

2. Have a place to work, somewhere that the car can sit undisturbed for a few days if necessary.

A garage is ideal, you can just walk away from a project for the evening if it is getting too frustrating. A good nights sleep can make even the most dire problems seem a little easier.

3. Research. Youtube is amazing for showing DIY common repairs, and forums often can show DIY jobs in a step by step way.

Be sure to notice any additional tools you might need, because leaving a job to buy a tool is really annoying.

4. Special tools are usually worth the cost. Plus, you can often “rent” tools from auto places for free.

5. Mechanic work is often not as “precise” as the manual would make it seem.

Head bolts should be torqued down in the proper pattern with the proper torques, but most everything else sealed with a gasket can usually be torqued down to mere “good-n-tight” standards. If you’re worried about breaking a bolt, use a smaller ratchet, or choke up on the wrench. (I have never broken a bolt by tightening, only while trying to remove a bolt that was severely rusted.)

3. Because I get frustrated doing the small stuff, I tell myself that I’ll never be able to achieve a ridiculous dream of mine (building my own EV). I end up telling myself that because I can’t do the small things, I’ll never be able to do the big things. I don’t want to give up on a dream, but I also realize that most people* don’t seem to have big crazy dreams like that.

That is a big dream, but it is achievable.

But if you’re worried about the scale of the project being too large, start smaller. Build an EV kart or motorcycle to start out with . They will have all of the same issues as a larger one, but with less cost, less complexity, and a lot less “sunk cost” if you do eventually decide it’s not within your abilities.

There is no shame in starting small, you’ll still learn a lot, have a completed project, and get to enjoy the process and the final result.

Also, I can say from experience that having a major project take multiple years is rather disheartening. I’ve been stuck in the boring part of my big project for way too long.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > MUSASHI66
09/28/2020 at 14:16

I hear you. That’s what has me struggling. I know I can do hard things. But either giving up on a dream (or actually trying to accomplish it) is going to be hard.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > CobraJoe
09/28/2020 at 14:20

I appreciate the advice. Thankfully I’m currently working from home, and we do have a second vehicle. That has been a bit of a relief - knowing that if I need something, I can steal Mrs. BaconSandwich’s van, and use that for getting parts or tools. I’ve also got my car currently parked in the garage, so the space isn’t as much of an issue.

I do like the idea of taking on something smaller. I’ve been tempted to try building a recumbent trike from scratch. (Eventually doing an e-bike conversion on it, if it works out well enough). I think that would still push me to learn some new things, as well as be manageable enough. And should things go sour with it, I wouldn’t have sunk a huge amount of money into it.

Sovande > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 14:20

I once took two days to replace a 4" coolant line because in my haste and general ignorance I broke a har d coolant line which I then had to deal with . It was an unmitigated disaster. Hours upon hours of fucking around because I didn’t understand the whole picture. Don’t let it defeat you. I look at it this way: if you understand the repair and have the correct tools and parts, you can replace anything. Shit I spent almost 6 hours replacing the pads and rotors in my car and that should be about a two hour job. But that’s okay, I saved $600 and I now know exactly how to get the job done. I long ago learned that my limit is 8 hours. If the project is going to take longer than that I don’t do it. There is zero shame (in my book) in taking a car in for work. Some people don’t like working on cars and that’s completely fine.

My aunt and uncle had a neighbor who drove in Lemans for Ferrari in the late 60's, I think . He even gave his Ferrari jacket from Lemans to my aunt. This is a guy who could drive the shit out of a car, but had zero interest in fixing or building one. I spoke to him a couple times about his racing career and he said he was the driver. That was it. He could identify what felt wrong, but didn’t want to be bothered with how to fix things. And that’s just fine.

BaconSandwich is tasty. > VincentMalamute-Kim
09/28/2020 at 14:23

I think this past week as also really rough for sleep. We’ve got three kids (nearly 6, nearly 4, and nearly 2), so we’re usually up multiple times in a night. This past week I was especially bad and stayed up an extra half hour each night. That probably also hasn’t helped things.

I think I need to accept that things are going to go wrong, with any project I take on. I need to learn to accept that things don’t always go as planned, and that’s okay. There was a good quote on Hackaday the other week. It’s not about getting the project done, it’s about acquiring the skills along the way. I need to remember that.

MiniGTI - now with XJ6 > BaconSandwich is tasty.
09/28/2020 at 23:03

What are used Bolt prices like, just curious. It was tough to figure out what new pricing was when I was looking, with massive smoke screens around any pricing information

BaconSandwich is tasty. > MiniGTI - now with XJ6
09/28/2020 at 23:15

I've been checking Autotempest every so often. Lowest priced ones are around $14k USD. Those are generally higher mileage though - like 70k miles. I saw one pop up today for $10k, but it seemed sketchy. Most used ones are from anywhere between$14k and $22k.